Heartless people play with Love

I'm done here.

http://amirahnabilah.tumblr.com

somewhere else seems like a nice place.

toodlydoo.

I feel like fainting.

i was bleeding (no, i don't cut myself. so stupid)

i was vomiting

now i feel like eating.

:D

i feel so bored right now. figured i'd post something random here to kill time. Hariz is replying my texts ever so slowly (as usual). i can't sit properly. Damn. what with the infection and swell. tsk. Yes. i do have numerous medical issues. it's bad enough i am accident prone. haha.

i feel the need to rant a lot here. but i can't. sadly, i can't because inames will come out and that wouldn't be very nice. also, something happened a few nights ago. i feel the need to blog about that too. but maybe i'll do that as a private post on LJ. sigh! it's really saddening.

the holidays should take its time to go by. i need all the time in the world to study for PRELIMS. yes. PRELIMS. i cannot wait to finish A Lvls. i just want to get my butt out of college. i have plans in my head. maybe. Just maybe, i will go study syariah instead. somehow i don't think Malay is for me. looking at my results i mean. i've been getting really rubbish and trashy grades. my interest in lit isn't exactly reflected in my grades as well.

i should abandon blogging like i did last yr and focus on my As. i should shouldn't i?

i feel like freaking out. there's just so much to cram in my head. two years worth of education in three months, i will DIE. well no. just hypervent and get myself hospitalized again. hahaha.

Im tired. Bye.

The Newest member of our big big family.

You're never truly in love with someone until the mere thought of hurting them is enough to break your own heart.

off late my health isn't exactly the best. i've been falling sick morer frequently. i still go to school anyways. it's a bore sitting at home. it would be nice if my brother or sister was at home with me. ah wells. the past week was my worse week of 2010. hopefully nothing beats that. my heart aches thinking about it.

currently, i am trying to improve my arabic grammar. i don't know why i'm doing this now when i have English and Malay to worry about. GP is in a few days and i don't feel like taking the paper. my luanguage is somehow getting worse. i need to speak more english. i have bad SVA. i think you can see that for yourself. my language is apalling. sigh. (haha i rmmbr a cute friend of mine who used this word wrongly last year. heh heh)

*GASP* i'm close to being overweight!

today's been a real tough day for me. really shouldn't have come to school at all. i had an attack twice. TWICE. thank you so much for putting the stress on me ah guys.

Thank god i have sathia, zubair, lala and shiha. not forgetting D who saved my life. haha. dramatic yes. but true. i nearly collapsed again. AN + STRESS = HYPERVENTILATE. i swear, sathia is a bloody good friend lah please. Oh. Sathia + Football Manager = MADNESS! he's so amusing hahaha! "come on boys come on boys!" sumpah kecoh sendiri. today, walking beside someone felt really weird. i could stare at him in the eye yet i can't say a single word. I hate what you are to me. Hate.

H was being very sweet today. again.

am home after spendig half a day at NUH. i don't like NUH. the hospital is more than just plain congested. it's as if you can't move about. the nurse who was attending to me left me in the middle of the walkway. mygoodness. everyone smelt like sanitizers. everyone was so plain looking. but the people there were nice though. except this crazy indonesian maid who was being all loony. she overturned herself (forgetting entirely that the back of the hospital clothes were untied) IT.WAS.SCARY. i swear. & the entire time there, i was thinking about Just. One. Person. Just. One. sigh.

I couldn't exactly remember what happened in the ambulance. the guy kept on calling my name. dots. but i remembered my BP went up to 165. i don't even know what that meant. i felt bloody giddy and i just wanted to sleep. but when i stopped breathing so hard, my chest started hurting, and suddenly, Heart Burn.

what actually happened? well, in the morning my head was hurting like crap. somehow i couldn't breathe properly after that. i was wheezing a lot. i wheeze a lot so i didn't pay much attention to that. after lunch, the pain got worse. i really couldn't breathe. i had to breathe deeply before i felt any air in my lungs. suddenly i was hyperventilating. my entire body cramped. blah blah blah, they rushed me to the hospital. dramatic or what :/  Doctor said i overworked myself.i had gastric and my stomach acid caused a reflux affecting my respiratory system. i eat a lot and they tell me i have gastric?! please la. haha.someone called me babat in the swimming pool. this shows i am eating okaaay. i gained weight also. so much for trying to go back to 47kg. i have to gain more. dots! hhaahaha

My doctor's name was Magnolia. almost all the nurses that attended to me were pinoys. there was a very pretty malay doctor too. she's young. haaai orang melayu. itu je ke yang dapat jadi doktor? lain mana? sampah masyarakat? hahaha. k AN diam.

Currently texting Hariz Azhar, Nana and Fir. Hariz texted me early in the morning to ask how i was feeling. imagine his shock when he found out i was at the hospital. aww sweet boy. insyaAllah i'm gg to mnfz with him on fourth June. yay! :D

fiq told me not to come to school until next week. tsk. no school means cannot see ******. :/ i feel so sad. so very sad. :(

i've been mugging Lit's soursweet since morning and i feel contented.

I need a hug. i feel so cold. i want a hug! :/ (not just anyone's hug eh please.)

SIGH. i feel giddy now. texting dear syirene. planning an arts outing with her.

***, ily. :(

Finally, i'm done watching Disgrace. Good movie. Bad rating.

If you're trying to prove a point dear boy, do me a favour. Write it out on a piece of paper. tsk.

anyways, it has been a few days. well if you include friday then that makes it three days. it sucks because i feel so bothered. i'm not supposed to feel bothered at all. i hate the feeling of weakness in the hands of the male species. i feel so vulnerable. i think believing in all these bullshit is making me vulnerable. i want to be the strong and firm girl once more. Not this weak and easily swayed slash pushed around human being. i'm too nice sometimes. i don't want to be like that. if there's one thing i used to believe in (and i should still believe and practice) is that girls should never ever be soft around guys. For a clear reason, guys will step all over you. Makes it worse when you have feelings for that particular someone.

OH. i think i'm done being nice. it doesn't pay to be nice anymore. i get ignored and swore at. sigh. he doesn't wanna talk to me. aaaaaaaaaah. :((((((((